February 28, 2001

10:57 PM // react

kaosboy is concealed somewhere among the black, white, and grey areas

find the artfag.

(photo by kelly)

February 27, 2001

9:40 PM // react


What made my day: finding a cassette copy of Europe's The Final Countdown in the trash bin, as well as old blank cassettes to make mix tapes with. woo hoo! Europe rocks my ass. The title track on this tape is like the most awesome put-on-a-headband, jog-in-place-while-screaming-in-high-pitched-vibratto hair metal ever. Now I have something to listen while I go jogging in the park every Sunday. Nothing beats some motherfucking cock rock while getting my ass in shape.

4:52 PM // react

Hardcore bands with girl singers are the best thing since quilted toilet paper. Guess which one kaosboy thinks is the cutest.

Also fingerlickin goodness for today comes in the shape of Monkey Love. ooh ooh ah ah.

February 26, 2001

1:14 AM // react

OK the "react" thing is back, I didn't want this page lookin like assntitties anymore. I limped back to BlogVoices 'cause I just don't have enough time to sit here and mess with some dumb textcode that I am pretending to understand. blah.

February 25, 2001

7:26 PM // react

Typing a period after every sentence, phrase, and word is emo.

February 23, 2001

10:44 AM // react

click here for kaosboy's motherfucking rockphotos

New rockphotos of Poison the Well and Martyr AD at Emo's.

February 22, 2001

5:10 PM // react

Those three letters are the scariest three upper-case letters when you're sitting in the cold waiting room, listening to your heartbeat and the horrible "mix" radio station in the background (on shitty speakers) and waiting for your number to be called. Then when your number is called (in my case, "14"), you follow some humming man in a white trenchcoat into the disclosed room where a small vessel of blood is drained from your system. He is humming some fucking Barry Manilow song or something. Or maybe it was "Walking on Sunshine." And he keeps on humming while he disappears slowly and the shitty radio station gets louder and louder. The three letters stare back at me and laugh. Actually I think that's me. I don't like to watch while there is a needle in my arm. Ouch!! Fucking SHIT that hurt!!! Ahhhh fuck fuck FUCK. It still hurts. No, not the needle, but something else that is worse than a motherfucking needle. But then she returns and tells me I am visibly clean. Nothing strange on the outside. I am supposed to go back in two weeks for the important things. Results may vary.

Suddenly I wish I had something to pray to. No fucking clue why. I guess I can keep petting each one of my stuffed animals once before I go to bed. I never forget.

(this is the sound of me crying)

And oppositely, when the cute boy in my class smiled and admired the "=w=" I'm drawing on my notebook, saying he was at the (fuckingorgasmic) Weezer show last night too, I smiled back and started talking to him. Just 'cause he's cute doesn't mean I haveta get all nervous and shakey and make a fucking fool out of myself, like I tend to do in these types of situations.

So today I was very happy and scared of/for myself. Everybody please cross your fingers, toes, and other body parts for me. I'd do it for you.

PS: Can somebody please help me with this react "php" shit? God. I am so gay.

February 21, 2001

5:28 PM // react

I'm fucking with this new react thing right now. It doesn't work yet, and I pretty much have no idea what I'm doing. Expect lots of errors and shit. "Coding" can suck my boobies. Right now I am about to leave for the Weezer show and this "php" crap is the last thing on my mind.

3:02 AM // react

Ricardo Sheets from Disassociate has a really rad mp3.com site with some nice noise experimentations and stuff. My favorite is "Silver Lab Coat (Information Mix)."

February 20, 2001

4:56 PM // react

I temporarily took away the "react" thing, it was making this site take 80 hours to load. I really like that feature though, so maybe when it gets fixed or whatever I'll put it back here. Wait, isn't there some script or some shit I can put in here to make it myself? Anybody wanna do it for my dumb lazy ass?

11:58 AM // react

New wallpaper in the etc section. Sorry folks, no half naked men this time. Poison the Well rocks these titties.

February 19, 2001

9:00 PM // react

cut the fucking hair off already

ahhhhhh!! Everywhere I go, kids are growing that At the Drive-In neo-afro!! Make it stop!!

3:37 PM // react

Roots Manuva is some of the best hip hop I've heard so far. Check out the album "Brand New Second Hand" for some tight ass beats and really stylized lyrics and shit. Turn that shit up. It sounds better really fucking loud. Grandma will understand.

February 18, 2001

7:02 PM // react

Kinda ironic that I posted that thing about material interests below; my minidisc player was stolen today while I was at the gym. D'oh.

Well, I hope whoever stole it enjoys the soothing digital sounds of Cryptopsy and Botch on the mix minidisc I made, while their flesh boils in the fiery grasps of an eternal, remorseless, limitless hell.

*exchanges winks with Satan*

12:50 PM // react

"There is no peace and no rest in the development of material interests. They have their law, and their justice. But it is founded on expediency, and is inhuman; it is without rectitude, without the continuity and the force that can be found only in a moral principle...[T]he time approaches when all that [commercialism] stands for shall weigh as heavily upon the people as the barbarism, cruelty, and misrule of a few [generations] back."

- Joseph Conrad, Nostromo

February 16, 2001

4:50 PM // react

Well, that happened. Jesus motherfucking christ, was that completely necessary?

4:33 PM // react

poison the (motherfucking) well

Out of all the rock photos I've taken, this is my favorite, for some reason. It's Poison the Well @ Emo's earlier this month. Ahhhh. Such a fucking good show.

And now...six days till Weezer. Commence heart attack procession. Beep.

February 15, 2001

1:50 AM // react

What did the fuck? Did that cute guy smile at me as I walked by?? Should I turn around and say something? I think I am starting to see things. Spent like 4 hours in the darkroom tonight, eyes baggy, mind fucked, body saggy (haven't worked out in like 4 days...oh no!), about 50 photos plus one bigger one. All from a really good show a couple weeks ago. I think I got a few nice ones.

I was eating a heart shaped lollipop the surly girl gave me for the trip home (note to self: look up the word "surly" already, you fucking idiot). I killed the roach by accident, but lourd knows I didn't mean to! I just stepped down and heard the fatal crunch against the wood floor. Gross. Oh well.

But then in my cherry daze I saw him walking towards me. No one else around, though when I passed the coffee shop there was a table full of older guys looking "cruisy." One bald dude. Not very attractive. Argh, too skinny. Too sleazy. Obviously looking for something. I don't wanna fucking do that tonight, or for a long time...and if I'm strong enough, ever again. Yeah right. I was gonna take out the lollipop and lick it so the bald guy could see me and think I was flirting with him (just for fun). But I saw this other guy walking towards me and the first reaction: look ahead, but around him. Then when he gets near, give him one sharp look right in the eyes. Why not just stare into the beauty the entire time? Good question. I was gonna turn around and yell "hey, what's the meaning of life?" to him. Didn't have the balls. Fucking fuck. I love the facial hair. Oh you are so fucking cute. Probably in his early 20's. ooh well that's half the age of...umm...never mind.

February 14, 2001

6:47 PM // react

You gave your love to me softly.

February 13, 2001

6:11 PM // react

Poop on Satan. Then clean it up with some soap. ooh yum.

11:48 AM // react


Am I hot or not?

Oh brother.

February 12, 2001

7:08 PM // react

As the future repeats today.

February 10, 2001

12:57 AM // react

Listening to Outkast and enjoying the company of two horny girls in the confines of my dorm room. They like talking about their bras, and then I show them the she-male porn that fucker got me for my birthday. OK update: I got out the trusty Pentax K1000 and they pulled up their shirts and I took photos of their boobies! Uh oh, call the cops, they might be underage. Did you know that Lauryn Hill is good sexy portrait photo taking music? You should try it sometime.

February 9, 2001

7:39 PM // react

Spending three and a half hours in the darkroom printing year-old photos from Chicago and Lake Eerie somehow made me two things: hungry and horny. The two big H's. Help me jesus.

Bus number one (north). I keep sneaking peeks at him and he appeared to be doing the same to me. He was one of those guys everyone would be like, "geez, HIM?? my god. well I guess you can't help who you're attracted to." He could probably be my dad, if he was one of those dads that had kids when they were teenagers or something. Lookin like a freakin construction worker. Scary to most probably. Husky and cute, slightly unshaven, lonely, frustrated, and probably able to destroy me with one swift kick. I was studying the back of his shirt, wondering if the first word underneath the temple was "Korean" or "Komeda" or maybe "KoopaTroopa" (though I don't think it was any of these). Lookin all lonely. A lonely construction worker? He looks over again. I'm drowning in my seat and in my hands and in the position of his hands and in the Focus in my ears. Every time I look over I'm tempted to grab something while blindfolded.

It's my stop and I slug onto the corner (busy day), fuck, when did it get this cold outside?? I look at him once more as the bus accelerates in front of me. His head is leaning on the window, he is looking at me. Big beautiful blue puppy dog eyes, so fucking tempting to run obediently after the bus, but the paved concrete seemed to have trapped my feet. Or maybe it was my consciousness.

This is the sound of me screaming as if I'm underwater. Shit, my burrito is getting cold.

10:02 AM // react

Support RU-486. I'm definitely down with that.

February 8, 2001

6:26 PM // react

Listening to too much Propagandhi and Focus and Emerson Lake & Palmer (for someone my age). ooh baby love those electronic pianos. Loving this so-called "prog rock" shit. Late for almost every class. Almost not even caring. Starting four-page papers not even two hours before they're due. I really should stop that soon, one of these days I won't get off so easy. Huh. Making that noise. Not wanting to pick up my phone even though it's ringing. There must be some reason for that.

Talking to the cute TA after class and realizing that I am not the only one who is still very insecure about certain things. Sexuality. Talking out loud about certain things outside in the shade, where we both feel like everyone is somehow listening. Why oh why is it so bothersome? It makes sense but it shouldn't even have to be so condemned, so magical, so fucking disgusting.

February 7, 2001

2:51 PM // react

click to enlarge

And then I realized that today is not the 6th, but already the 7th. Wait, did yesterday happen? Apocalypse Now. Oh now I remember.

Thank you thank you Itzhak Perlman for keeping me sane today. Nothing is more musically intoxicating than the tone of your small stringed instrument.

February 6, 2001

5:33 PM // react

'Cause if you don't actually honestly try something, how else would you know if you love/hate it? I know what I'm doing is not the most common, universally moral thing in the world. But what am I supposed to do if I feel like this? This might scare the shit out of me. But today I was not intimidated like everyone said I might be. Why not go for something if it feels right? I was a little nervous, though the ice coffee helped me relax (and get fucking hyper). He told me to put in more cream and sugar 'cause that makes it tastes better. Dude. Black coffee tastes like ass.

10:01 AM // react

HOLY SHIT!! Get the new Propagandhi album or I will fucking hit you...this is the album of the century!! Well, so far. Jesus. This shit is nuts. OK, I won't hit you. Bitch. Don't make me ask nicely. That would ruin my whole tough guy image (that I don't actually have in reality). I don't know what I'm talking about. Just get this record, tender lumplings.

February 5, 2001

10:24 PM // react

Holy crap, Ralph Nader and Michael Moore are gonna be on Politically Incorrect tomorrow night! I don't have a TV, nor do I watch much TV, so can somebody please tape this for me? In return, I will shower you with sexual favors. Shit, I think I just scared everybody away...

8:43 PM // react

mp3.com/kaosboy now has a demo version up of this little new noise composition I'm working on right now. I swear, AM radio is the coolest thing ever.

I got sick of the new layout I was workin on, so I've been doing this newer one that is much different style. I've been overdoing the noisy, xerox machine looking shit lately, and too much of the same thing sucks. It's like eating the same goddamn chewy chips ahoy cookies package after package, even though I know I feel sick after eating like one roll of em. But that one roll is heaven while it lasts. mmm.

February 4, 2001

2:37 PM // react

haha holy shit.

February 3, 2001

4:27 PM // react

Man, you don't know how long I've been waiting for somebody to say that to me. Oh it's like music to my ears! Holy shit, I have a really good feeling about this (please don't jinx myself). I don't usually stay up past 7 am on a Friday morning (night?) for just anyone. Suddenly it's like the world has opened up, and shit, I don't know how else to say that without sounding like a fucking greeting card. I think this is one of those "do you feel what I feel" things. Umm.

Twice my age (19) makes 38. Subtract one and that's you. So you fit my rule: "twice my age or less." Yes, I know that's a silly rule. Technically you're old enough to be my dad. Does that scare me? Err kinda. Well, not really. Why should it? I guess I'll find out for myself. "You never know until you try something new." I love your voice, and your silly sense of humor. And so I guess I'm not the only one whose favorite colors are black and white. Dude, my parents wanted me to wear more colorful stuff, too.

But shit man, did you haveta piss while on the phone? hehe...not that it scared me away or anything.

PS: My latest addiction. And also those Twizzlers Twist-n-Fill things. Those are yummy.

February 2, 2001

10:06 AM // react

Why God?

01 / 02 // 2001
09 / 10 / 11 / 12 // 2000

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