September 30, 2000

3:43 PM // react

Holy shit, the Mad Caddies cover ABBA's S.O.S. on their new Fat EP!

PS: The rest of this EP is also absolutely amazing. Buy it now. I command you.

PSS: The Mad Caddies' singer is one hell of a sexy bitch.

1:22 PM // react

This site likes me! Awesome. The rad girl that runs it, Elissa (she's only 15 and she designed all that!), describes herself: "i have long fingers and long legs, and i'm athletic as a potato." haha! I dunno why but that brings me much joy on this sunny Saturday morning.

Just added two Voodoo Glow Skulls songs from Firme to my MyPlay mp3 locker (kaosboy@aquabotic.com : aquabotic).

Yes, I like VGS. Kiss my ass, Skeletor.

September 29, 2000

11:48 PM // react

This game looks really dumb, but I found it amazingly fun and entertaining. I wish I could download it to my computer so I can sit here for several hours each day and waste my time and life away! (link from geeklife)

No excitement for me tonight. I decided to stay in and get caught up on work (while eating an unhealthy amount of peanut butter and crackers).

WHAT?! You're doing WORK on a Friday night, Ben?!!? Dude, you're supposed to be out drinking and getting fucked up and then waking up the next morning next to some random chick-- that's what college is all about!!

Yeah, I know I'm not a "real man." Aww shucks!


7:48 PM // react

I am "Super-Rad Human of the Month" at my pal Lindsay's site.

"He's completely hot....completely rockin....and he'll keep you smilin so hard your face will hurt!!! Absolute Coolness Scale: DEFINATELY a 10!!!"

Lindsay you are hilarious! She's one of those girls who would be perfect for me if they had a penis and chest hair and a husky body type and a goatee, hehe. I talked to her last night and said I would sprinkle Magic Penis Powder in her pelvic area while she was sleeping so she could wake up as a boy one day and then we could hook up!! ;)

haha, I feel like such a dork 'cause when I talk to her online, I sit there laughing my ass off, staring at my computer screen and sitting alone in my room.

She put up the self-portrait photo I took at the beginning of this summer, right after I cut all my hair off (I said this before and I'll say it again...it's fucking HOT in Texas). I swear, I look like an alien!

Once I figure out how to hook my scanner up to my new computer (something weird with SCSI or some shit that I don't understand), I'll put up some recent photos of me. Get ready to puke! :)

12:29 PM // react

(insert annoyed sarcasm here)

Republicans fear gay hate crimes bill would split party. OH NO!! What happens if the party splits?! I mean, who cares about hate crimes and social/political injustice in the American system...WHAT ABOUT THE PARTY?!?!!?!?


(end sarcasm, and now onto a more serious, adult-like tone)

Party politics is BULLSHIT. It is yet another way for people to divide themselves and further utilize their group "stance" on an issue to justify inequalities in this goddamned country...

So I say, fuck "Republican," fuck "Democrat," fuck whatever...you are YOU. I am Ben Aqua, not a member of the fucking "______ Party." People should focus more on issues aiming for the better of humanity, not just for some pointless group to affiliate with.

Just my humble opinion. Bah humbug.

12:17 PM // react

Sara rocks like candy for linking me. Check out her site, it has some sweet photography and a cute blog!

2:59 AM // react

My friend Gabe (self-proclaimed "sex warlord") sent me this animation, which made me smile instantly. Yeah it's simple and dumb but maybe that's why I like it.

Gabe says, "they fight...they hug. it's like life!" :)

I also just added a few more mp3's to my MyPlay locker (login under "kaosboy@aquabotic.com" with password "aquabotic"), including a new Green Day song and some other digital goodies. Check it yo.

September 28, 2000

6:35 PM // react

Here's another reason to exercise.

I always get these funny looks when I go to the gym...I guess it's not a very common thing to see a messy red haired Asian boy with a homemade Propagandhi t-shirt lifting weights.

Or maybe they're just staring at me 'cause I'm so sexy. heh, yeah that's it!

Or maybe not.

6:28 PM // react

Americans can be so stupid:

"Americans increasingly associate mental illness with the potential for violence despite evidence the mentally ill are not violence-prone, according to a study that traced public perceptions over four decades...the perceived link between mental illness and violence could lie in television and films that sensationalize murders committed by mentally ill persons, they said."


12:19 PM // react

This is kinda random, but while I was just in the shower, I had a scary vision of Dr. Laura and Fred Phelps having....*cringe*....KIDS. Oh my god. How fucking scary would that be? Like a fucking troll bastardchild popping out of Dr. Laura from Phelp's sperm...fucking gross.

Why am I thinking about this?

12:04 PM // react

He picketed Matthew Shepherd's funeral a couple years ago, and now that bigot motherfucker Fred Phelps is at it again. He will appear with his "God Hates Fags" signs at the Danny Lee Overstreet (one of the victims of the recent Roanoke, VA bar shootings) funeral today.

That just brightens up my day!!


September 27, 2000

10:34 PM // react

For some reason I've started listening to Nirvana's Nevermind album once again. I still get the chills every time I put on "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Can you believe this album was released in fucking 1991?? That's like, almost 10 years ago. Holy shit.

It seems like just yesterday that I tried to grow my hair out long to look "grunge" (haha), and I learned my first guitar riff (the guitar part to "Polly") on a shitty pawn shop electric guitar my best friend gave to me for free (my brother has it now). We would make up these songs and skits about how life sucked and how our math teacher sucked and how no one understood us...very important and worldly topics.

Our voices sounded like chipmunks and our jokes were so un-P.C. and ruthless. Man, I really need to invent a time machine so I can go back in time just to smack myself in the face.

Ah, good times...

4:56 PM // react

haha, check out Steve's new blog layout.

Personally, I would've made it "joey.fatonelog," but that's just me.

you know you want a piece of this

4:45 PM // react

Tony is my new hero.

He did some major plugging today to this site and even to the ones on my others page. So flattering! He is an amazing designer as well, so check out his site & look at all the rad shit he has going on over there.

He cranks out those cool ass designs even after drunken weekends. You've gotta respect that. :)

Tony is also one hell of a sexy demon.

September 26, 2000

8:19 PM // react

haha, the Onion has a headline that reads: Yngwie Malmsteen Officially Changes Middle Name To 'Fucking'

This article is also incredibly hilarious. I feel like such a dork sitting here and staring at my computer screen by myself, laughing out loud.

The Onion: pure genius.

6:00 PM // react

I found the piece of paper Spencer (see below) wrote a poem on (on the other side is a self portrait I drew 'cause he asked me to draw myself...nobody's ever asked me to do that before). Here's his poem:

He said, man is that your bench?...
I said hey, I don't know, maybe it is,
I was in this town a couple of years
ago, maybe it is the same bench I
sat in. Who cares? I don't do you?
All the kids are like every other town,
They were all hip (?) once,
But now.....they're all on dope
or at least most of 'em.

Yeah, I know I know that's not the most literary, buttery poem in the world, but I guess you just had to be there to witness him writing it. He was just sitting there, concentrating as much as he could in his drunk-but-cool composure. His words were drowning more and more as the night crept up on us.

At one point he just looked up and started reciting a poem right there in front of me. Man I wish I had my camera with me...

Heh, the ironic thing about all of this suddenly happening is I just started reading On the Road yesterday, when I met Spencer. Hmm.

12:05 PM // react

Another report on the Roanoke, VA shooting. This shit just gets scarier and scarier.

Also, this is really fucking lame, but if anybody has any good mp3's I might like, you can put em in my MyPlay account (username:password - kaosboy@aquabotic.com:aquabotic). I also keep adding new songs, so if you're interested, have at em.

1:35 AM // react

Tonight I almost changed the entire course of my life. See, I really wanna just drop everything right now (school-wise, at least) and just go around and travel and do all sorts of random stuff. Well, tonight, I actually had the oppurtunity to do exactly that.

I met this guy named Spencer on the streets. He's been travelling for most of his life on freight trains; he just got to Austin yesterday and he's leaving tonight for another trip. I bumped into him on my way back from the Salvation Army store, and he seemed pretty interesting so I showed him some of my art and he asked me to draw a charicature of him. He said he looked sad in my drawing, but it saw right through his smile and poked at his "loneliness."

He then wrote this poem for me and recited a few right there (improv). It was mostly about him travelling and getting drunk a lot (he was quite drunk and was drinking beer and smoking the entire time I hung out with him). It got kinda chilly outside, so I let him have one of my long sleeve shirts and my thick winter jacket that I would never need here in Texas (it doesn't get THAT cold here).

We walked around for a bit, and he eventually gathered enough money from asking people for change to get a 6-pack of Ice House beer. It was really interesting seeing all the different kinds of reactions to him asking random people for money...

Anyway, after stopping every 5 mintues for him to piss in a dimly lit alley, we walked back to the main campus shopping area, where he tried to convince me to jump a freight train tonight and go wherever it took us. As much as I wanted to just leave and be ultimately spontaneous...I didn't.

I have so many things on my mind, it's ridiculous. And most of them are pretty fucking dumb when I really think about it...I really wanted to just leave tonight with the three cents and student ID I had in my pocket and just experience...life. I guess. But I couldn't leave.

So after about 30 minutes of him saying, "you're going" and me saying, "god, I want to, but I don't, y'know?" I finally just forced myself to walk away. He gave me an Etch A Sketch keychain and a rubber snake and I said "take it easy," exchanged a firm handshake with him, and walked back to my dorm. I could sense a disappointed, "I thought you were true to yourself" kinda look on his face, and that's kinda funny 'cause my face displayed its mirror image.

Mostly what's on my mind right now is "what the hell do you want in life, idiot??" and "are you being true to yourself?" 'Cause Spencer did make a few good points about living every day to its fullest. He said, "the first step towards living a happy life is making the best out of any bad situation." He's been in prison before, stabbed on the streets of New Orleans, robbed and beaten (these kids stole his entire scrapbook of poetry and writing), and has lived most of his life alone...yet somehow he can manage a down-to-earth smile and a positive mood while talking to me. Amazing.

And here I sit, updating my web-site. In my nice, comfortable, air conditioned room, with my nice shiny belongings. Do I really need all of this?

One lady we talked to slept in a cardboard box in a torn t-shirt and shorts last night (when it was cold and rainy). And yet she was sitting there on the damp ground making hemp bracelets with a warm smile on her face.

Gosh. Life is so fucking complex.

So yeah. I'm in a weird mood. I'm so "emo" huh? Blah.

September 25, 2000

12:32 PM // react

I just set up this MyPlay account, where they let you store a shitload of mp3's for free. I know that's dorky as hell, but if you wanna download some of my music, go here and login as "kaosboy@aquabotic.com" with password "aquabotic" (both with no quotes, of course) and download whatever the fuck you want!

One thing I should mention, that's my personal account or whatever (I couldn't figure out a way to make the mp3's public so you could just download from my site), so please don't mess around with my account settings/files/etc., or I'll get some big grizzly bear to kick your ass. Mmm...bears...

heh somebody smack me.

On a completely different note, this is pretty disturbing. Ever known anybody with the last name "Gay"? Ack. Scary shit.

1:54 AM // react

I really like sountain's flash animations. Makes me wanna learn tae kwon do or something.

September 24, 2000

10:56 PM // react

Memoirs from Hijiyama: an amazingly moving piece about the Hiroshima bombing during World War II. Not only is the design absolutely wonderful, but the brilliant presentation of photos and personal accounts of the bombing made me pretty tense. My heart is beating SO much faster right now. Truly amazing and inspiring work.

It also made me despise America more. Woo hoo! Blah.

3:16 PM // react

Check out Steve's photos of Newfoundland. They totally make me wanna drop out of school and travel all over the place and take photos and meet people and shit...oh man. Calm down Ben.

September 23, 2000

4:12 PM // react

Lyn rocks for linking me. Woo hoo! I also just randomly found out that there's an acne medication called "Ben-Aqua." How flattering!

Gosh I'm an idiot.

I added a new feature to the etc section: desktop wallpaper! There's only one there right now, I just made it last night when I didn't feel like sleeping 'cause of my weird ass day. It's currently on my desktop. Lemme know what you think of it.

And just a warning about this wallpaper...if you can't handle topless men, then you probably won't like it. I, on the other hand, love topless men, so if you do too, eat that shit up. :)

So yeah, yesterday was very weird. I went to one of the trendy malls here with a couple friends and met this cool guy at the photo store there who turned out to be in a punk/ska band and an improv hardcore (??) band. He was rad as hell! But the weird part was when we went into this fancy, overpriced chocolate store and we talked to this guy for a while who was (I hate using this word) "flaming." The gay stereotypes were just dripping out of him.

Of course, that ain't no bad thing. He was really cute and nice and funny, and umm...not to sound obnoxious or anything, but he was flirting with me like a motherfucker (gosh I hope he's not reading this right now).

So after a bunch of free samples of coffee and chocolate, I gave him my number. Oh boy. I gave a boy my number. Uh, there's something wrong with that picture, lemme tell you.

I think that is the first time I've ever done that. I was so nervous and hyped from the coffee that my friends had to write my name and number down on the napkin FOR me. Sad huh?

So I dunno if anything will come out of this whole thing, but whatever...

Anyway, last night we tried to catch the Get Up Kids (no link 'cause they're annoying) show at Emo's, and when we got there, the fucking thing was sold out. What the? The only other sold out show I've been to at Emo's was when the Vandals (linked 'cause they are fucking awesome) came here, but it wasn't even CLOSE to as bad as last night's mess of people. Argh, sold out shows can suck my ass.

Then I just stayed up till early morning making that damned wallpaper. Just didn't feel like going to sleep...too many things on my mind. Or something like that.

September 22, 2000

12:26 PM // react

So remember that boy I mentioned with the beautiful blue eyes and everything? Well I developed my latest roll of film yesterday and he's in like two of the photos (I remember one day asking a couple of his friends if I could take a photo of them, and he suddenly came out of no where and hugged the girl I was about to take a photo of, made this funny "I'm being such a dork" face...I remember thinking, "get back in the picture!" 'cause I thought he was really cute).

That is reason enough for me to start freaking out. Not really, but I got all excited about that...and he doesn't even know my name! Woo hoo. I suck.

Yesterday was cool, though...on the bus ride back from the supermarket, this girl randomly came up to me and asked to see my photos and we started talking, she was just too funny! We talked about shoplifting and travelling and all this good stuff, and she gave me this really cool mini telescope (she took from Linens n' Things) that is amazingly precise for its size. New voyeur tool, baby.

Last night, Napster provided me with the new Green Day album, which pretty much kicks my ass in all directions. I haven't gotten around to listening to it much yet, but the production is very clean and the songs are CATCHY as hell. They seem a little more buttery than usual, but Billie Joe's vocals still have that rough edge I salivate over. I'm sure I'll have the entire album memorized before it gets officially released here next month.

Tre Cool is hot. Gotta go.

September 21, 2000

2:57 PM // react

crispy monkey project. 'Cause some kids in Mississippi have too much free time on their hands. :)

tre cool is one sexy motherfucker

I just heard the new Green Day single while standing in line at Subway. Fucking awesome.

11:48 AM // react

gmunkstudio: absolutely amazing web/graphic design. Their Design Is Kinky cover makes me drool like crazy. Makes my design look like utter shit. Tasty.

September 20, 2000

9:41 PM // react

Out of all places I could see a cute boy, tonight it was at the ISO meeting I just got back from.

Of course, I didn't really originally go to scoop out the hot men scene (of course, Ben! heh). But there he was. Bleached/dyed-weird-colors hair resting underneath a baseball hat, strong looking build, slight facial hair, and a pair of the most beautiful icy blue eyes I've seen in a loooonnnngggg while. Not to mention his clear, deep, sexy as hell voice. "Like music to my ears" every time he opened it. Cliche, but oh so very true.

So what did I do? Talk to him? Introduce myself and say something really dumb? Nope. Not tonight...


I just talked to other people, learning how I can get more involved with the upcoming anti-death penalty marches next month. Which is great! Don't get me wrong. But I could've at least gathered up my (pseudo) balls and at least said SOMEthing to him to make the night even better.

Maybe I'll see him at the next meeting? Sigh.

6:06 PM // react

This guy I know named Jimmy has the CUTEST puppy, it's like a couple weeks old and a mix between a bulldog and umm...I forget. But it's tiny and black and so fucking adorable. I know this sounds dumb, but I have such a soft spot for baby animals. I just lose my mind when I see one, and I stand there and smile like an idiot for like ten minutes.

Anyway, Jimmy lives with the puppy on the streets (aka "homeless") around the UT campus, so I usually pass them a couple times a day. He's really friendly and always has something funny and/or interesting to say. But I worry that either of them are eating enough...

Every time I see him, the puppy is always sleeping on this little blanket. And once in a while, it'll slightly open its eyes and lick its lips or something. It's just so calming and pleasing to watch him sleep. So beautiful.

And this is kinda unrelated, but Jimmy said that the novel Total Recall by Piers Anthony (what they based the movie on) is "surprisingly awesome." But don't read the Water World movie adaptation book 'cause it's "horrible."

And so is Kevin Costner.

12:33 PM // react

Boy am I good at skipping my government class.

11:20 AM // react

Well, to be honest with everybody, I wasn't that happy with the results of my aquabotic.com version 2WO! site I launched yesterday. I dunno, there just seems to be something missing. Blip.

But apparently SurfStation.lu dug it (the second time they've linked to my shitty sites!):

"Strange, grunge, fresh. Its version 2WO!"

And Tony from Burntgraphix (someone whom I've thought is easily one of the cutest and most talented web designers I've seen, but have been too scared to email, heh...so you can imagine my half asleep ass waking up a few minutes ago and reading an email from him...heart...beats...faster) also said this to say about the new design on his site:

"I'm not sure what this is yet I emailed them to find out what was up I just though a couple of the guys in their photos were hot."

haha. Hell yeah those guys are hot! They're really friendly, too. Yum.

September 19, 2000

9:28 PM // react

aquabotic.com v. 2WO! previewJust added some design enhancements to aquabotic.com version 2WO!. The design is kinda weird, but I can thank Kid A by Radiohead (yes, the NEW album!) for creative inspiration.

Man I love using homoerotic (at least to me) images in my graphics! haha. I suck.

Argh, back to work...

12:16 PM // react

I put up a semi-finished version of the new aquaBotic.com site. I'll add a little more to it later, gotta run to class now...

12:05 PM // react

I was the "Garçon du Jour" ("Boy of the Day") at boylog yesterday! Aww yeah. It got me a buncha hits to this site. Maybe now someone can stalk me!! Umm...woo hoo?

Also, before I forget ('cause I know I will), happy birthday John!

September 18, 2000

11:08 PM // react

Man do I feel like a dork (how strange!). Thanks to Scour Exchange, I now have about 8 different versions of Ernesto Lecuona's Malaguena on mp3. Amazing song, though.

the funniest album cover EVERAnd speaking of amazing songs, for some reason, nothing gets the adrenaline rushing in my body like COCK ROCK. haha, I'm so serious! Right before I work out, I listen to Yngwie Malmsteen's Far Beyond the Sun and suddenly I feel like punching walls and shit!! Umm scary.

But I dunno what it is about cock rock that gets me so pumped. Oh god...I just trapped myself with that one. I'm so punny!

Argh, just shut the fuck up, Ben!!

6:59 PM // react

And I do realize I am angry homosexual number 9082374796145 to complain about Dr. Laura, but she really does deserve an ass spanking from hell.

I added a tad bit of content to the etc section. Coming soon I'm gonna put up a little gallery of sexy rock stars and other yummy people. I know that's dumb. But you can't stop me.

6:43 PM // react

Is it just me, or is Dr. Laura one hell of a nasty ass woman-beast? I mean, I'm no beauty queen (err, king), but she probably turns people into motherfucking stone with her trolly eyes.

And her voice, too...god, somebody shove daggers into my ears!

Incredible actress Susan Sarandon said this about Dr. Laura:

"Dr. Laura has a right to her opinion, but I think it's irresponsible of Paramount to not give equal time, at the very least, to a person with a more enlightened and contemporary perspective. I'm totally against wasting the airwaves giving visibility to a person who is clearly in dire need of compassion, education, and a good shrink herself."

You go girl.

12:12 PM // react

OK I know this is kinda random, but I have a tech question for all you design geeks.

Basically I recently got a new computer, a WindowsMe PC. When I transferred all the old shit from my new computer to this one, most of the stuff worked, but for some reason, when I open Photoshop 5.5, it won't read any of my older fonts. Instead when I add text to an image, it only seems to display the fonts that came with this machine.

So I tried installing a couple new fonts and it still won't read them. Argh. What am I doing wrong? Any suggestions?

11:12 AM // react

Oh man, I just woke up from a pretty fucked up dream. I was at this lunch get-together type of thing at work, when suddenly everybody realized that I was queer. Suddenly they all look at me with that "you're queer? YOU?" look altogether at once.

And then the scene changes to this like "HOORAY!! BEN'S GAY!!!" celebration thing. haha...everyone's coming up to me like, "god, I had no idea!" and then walking off laughing and mumbling to themselves.

Then suddenly we walk into the kitchen area, where there's a mini rodeo going on next to the fridge. Everyone is leaving to get some lunch, and they ask me if I wanted anything. I remember saying some kinda joke like "no thanks, I'm gay," and they laugh and leave...then I walk outside by myself, turn around and see the cowboy (who was in our kitchen) looking at me from a distance...

Then I woke up.

OK so maybe that isn't so fucked up. But for me it was.

September 17, 2000

11:43 PM // react

How's this for amazing design?

And on a totally different note, suddenly, like in the last couple of hours, I've just gotten progressively more and more sick. My forehead is like warm as hell, and kinda throbbing (eh, don't think I'll be working out tonight). And yet here I am, sitting in front of the radioactive computer screen and updating my dumb little web-site.

Yeah I'm so smart.

7:55 PM // react

I finally got my own copy of The New Transistor Heroes by Bis. I dunno why it took me so long to start appreciating how rockin they are. I think after hearing the Powerpuff Girls theme song a million times, their sound started to grow on me like a fungus. A GOOD fungus. Or something.

7:45 PM // react

There are a few frat boys playing football across the street. I don't know whether to be turned on or middle finger pointing.

I love it when they slap each other's asses! haha. I swear, muscle guys secretly lust after each other. Well, at least in my underdeveloped homo fantasy world they do. mmm.

That reminds me, I gotta work out tonight. Soreness!

September 16, 2000

5:37 PM // react

I'm sitting here designing stuff, listening to Radio Free Palace, which proves just how seductively romantic Billie Holiday's voice really is. Sweet.

"Do you like Billie Holiday?"

"I love him!"

2:17 PM // react

No Leatherface show last night for me. I woke up yesterday feeling pretty sick to my stomach. Like, right as I left the room to go to class, I started feeling the chunks rise. Yummy.

I ate some jelly beans and I felt a little better, but the entire day, I just felt like I was gonna pass out or something. I'm starting to think I'm not eating enough these days or something. I keep on missing meals...like yesterday, I didn't eat anything until like 7:30 pm, and it was only two slices of pizza. I even saw a cat eating a dead bird on the sidewalk and it made me hungry. Gross.

I have the appetite of fucking Godzilla. And I also have the metabolism of a horse. Those two things are not a good combination. I need my protein and carbs so I can get all husky and buff!! haha.


2:07 PM // react

More incredible art/design @ Destroy Rockcity. This is the kinda incredible stuff that motivates me to create more of my shitty art and graphic design. Yee haw.

And if you want some cool-looking desktop wallpaper that doesn't suck ass, check out Desktop Imperium. Great stuff.

1:58 PM // react

What do you think about Grey Day (link from geekgrrl)? It sounds like a great idea, but for some reason I'm a little hesitant and/or paranoid about it.

Me? Paranoid? How *odd*!

September 15, 2000

12:26 PM // react

Y'know how much of a dork I am? I just woke up, right after having a really short dream about me updating this site. I dreamed about my web-site. Oh geez.

Anyway, god, my arms and "pecs" (in quotes 'cause I think I have them) are so fucking sore. Last night, I worked out for the first time in like three months. I did arm and upper body exercises until I could barely open doors. Ouch. But it's one of those "good burns." heh.

And now that I'm all buff and muscular (oh boy), I can show the punkers my stuff *in the pit* at tonight's Leatherface/Samiam/Pezz show! haha. FUCK SHIT UP!

Yeah, OK.

September 14, 2000

10:05 PM // react

Check out my new answering message in the noise section. Robotically fresh.

The rad voice was generated using a free program called SayIt by AnalogX. Man, I could play with this shit for hours.

6:57 PM // react

Just picked up the new At The Drive-In album (Grand Royal). It is SO amazing! Great production, plus the songs are energetic and edgy as hell. I love their poetic lyrics and attacking guitar riffs.

Seems like one of those albums you can listen to like a million times, and each time around, you discover something new. Fucking awesome.

12:00 PM // react

My good friend Claire informed me that the Fireside Bowl, probably the coolest punk venue/hangout in Chicago, is being torn down to build a park next month.

This totally sucks. I don't live in Chicago, but every time I go there, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing a good all-ages show for $5 at the Fireside ('cause they get all the good shows). Yeah, parks are nice, but this is the freakin' Fireside! Tear down a different building or something!! D'oh.

12:47 AM // react

Zach just called me "butch." Growl!

ha! Yeah right, Ben.

12:31 AM // react

Did you know there are punkards in Mississippi? Yes, it's true. Check out my good friend Zach's band Milton @ mp3.com. Call me biased, but I really dig em. They're like a more melodic Strung Out, or a better, faster version of the Ataris.

By the way, Zach from Milton- a strapping, young, and *straight* gentleman- scored a SEVEN on the Straight Acting Quiz. ha! Which means, I, Mr. Art Fag over here, am more straight acting than him (I scored a 3). I got a really big kick out of this, even though it's like the most meaningless thing ever.

haha. Man. Someone shut me up.

September 13, 2000

4:37 PM // react

Holy shit, you should see the sky here right now. As I look outside of my window, to the left, it's all sunny and partly cloudy. Then when you look to the right, it looks like Satan's ass (umm, that's kaosboyspeak for "dark, cloudy as hell, and lookin' like there's gonna be a tornado any second"...or something). I gotta get to the bus stop before it starts pouring so I can pick up my photos.

Fuck, too late. Dammit.

11:33 AM // react

Boy Scouts get fucked. Not literally. But kinda. Thank you, Ft. Lauderdale. (link from Web Queeries)

2:26 AM // react

Jets to Brazil were so good! And yes, Blake's vocals are just as sexy live. You can just tell how passionate he is about his beautiful songs by looking at his face. Something about the eyes or something.

I took an entire roll of film just of JtB, so I'm hoping I'll get at least ONE photo that doesn't suck.

On the way back, we scrounged a ride in the back of a few Houston rockers' pick-up truck. Met a genuinely nice (and cute) guy named Jack (nice and cute are a good combination), and I felt like such a dork 'cause right before we hopped out of the truck, I plugged my web-site to him. heh. So if you're reading this, Jack, you better email me. Don't make me come out to Houston and kick yer ass! Even though you could probably kick mine in your sleep.

OK I'm an idiot.

I smell like shit and I'm hungry as fuck. It's sleepy time.

September 12, 2000

3:18 PM // react

I just randomly met this kid who was practicing juggling a few clubs while on a unicycle. His mom was standing there, watching him practice. I said "I could never do that," to which he replied, "That's what everybody says. I think anybody could do it with enough practice and determination." Took a few photos, made a new friend. Cool.

This is one of the coolest things I've ever seen on the internet. Simply amazing in concept, design, and originality. Wow. Who said the internet isn't an amazing creative medium?

11:26 AM // react

I am in such a good mood this morning! Phew. Dunno what happened (well actually I do, but it's like the fucking dorkiest reason EVER to be really happy, so I'm just not gonna say it...Iemme just say it has something to do with a new graphic I've been working on for aquaBotic.com and umm...hot men. heh). But Hi-Standard's "Growing Up" album never sounded so sweet. Aaaahhhhh.

aquaBotic.com september2000 preview

Danielle, you're such a sweety! Going to the Jets to Brazil/Gloria Record show tonight? You know I'll be there up front, snapping badly composed and highly overexposed photos. Yeah baby.

September 11, 2000

6:34 PM // react

Check out this *amazing intelligent* article (astericks used for sarcastic emphasis). According to this article, it claims "Hollywood Aims Violence at Kids." Oh my goodness! You mean it's violent movies, video games and music that makes kids do dumb things? What horror! Quick honey, get the kids away form the TV!! Unplug the fucking Playstation!!

Oh brother.

And I like Gore's brilliant quote, "It's hard enough to raise children today without the entertainment industry making it more difficult." Just today I stopped by in a sports store to cool off for a little while, and walked over to the "hunting" section. There I saw a older guy and a little boy (I'm assuming the older guy was his father). The older guy was buying this huge ass rifle or shotgun or something, while the kid was looking at it with starry eyes. The father (or whoever) goes to the kid, "now I don't want to see YOU shootin' any kids at school with this unless I say so!" and they all chuckle. The kid had this "aww, jeepers dad, you're the greatest!" look on his face. Nice.

Then I walk towards the cash registers and there's a mother (or whoever) and son paying for stuff, and I saw the mother hit the poor kid on the head, and he started crying. What the fuck?

Wait, so if Hollywood and video game violence is what supposedly led to the Columbine high school shooting, then what about all the REAL violence on the "news," broadcasted on public television for anyone to see 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Is that somehow OK? Hmm. My roommate last year, who sent me the link to the article, said, "it's only hollywood that does this, incidentally. not like our whole society or anything..." (sarcastic, of course)

But he's so right. I think before our "leaders" decide to censor art and media, they should maybe think about the root of the problem: PEOPLE. Man, are they blind or something? Kids get violent or depressed 'cause people pick on them at school, or beat them up for their lunch money, or call them "fags" 'cause they dress or look different then everybody else.

In my opinion, these so-called "violent" video games and stuff maybe actually be a more positive thing for these kids than anything else, since it gives them somewhat of a less destructive way to vent their anger or frustration. I've known cool kids who go to hardcore shows and thrash their bodies around in the pit 'cause their job sucks or some jocks gave them shit that day. They could really care less about bloody video games or whatnot.

And the "violent" music they listen to is just simply something that helps them feel less alone; something they can relate to. I mean, I may be this happy-go-lucky guy (or whatever) most of the time, but sometimes I need to just lay down on my bed alone and listen to the the Dillinger Escape Plan scream their asses off. Or maybe mentally point my finger while listening to some Operation Ivy.

Censorship sucks. Yeah, yeah, I know it's all been said, and me just sitting here complaining isn't gonna change anything...but I'm just hoping people can just start treating each other better, before acting like jerks and then being so quick to point the blame towards movies and everything, and then staring into space all pokerfaced, wondering why kids are so "troubled" these days. Sheesh.

And that's my rant for the day. I need some 7UP...

6:25 PM // react

Holy shit, Surfstation.lu linked to my crappy aquaBotic.com launch site in one of their daily design entries! Very flattering. Not bad for a design I threw together in like ten minutes, layering over two images of a certain N Sync member.

3:10 AM // react

is this what people look like in canada?Steve, boy do I feel your pain. About a half a year ago, when I first told my parents "I think I like boys" (or something to that effect), they were pretty much in shock. Y'know, one of those "awkward silences." My dad said it was probably just a "phase," or that the ultra-liberal social atmosphere at Oberlin somehow made me rework my sexual orientation or something. I remember him saying something like, "as long as you still like girls." Hmm.

And my mom? She stood there completely still for about thirty seconds, then continued to wash the dishes. She was very quiet. And judging from her body language, I could tell it made her very uncomfortable.

Since then, I'm still not really completely "out" with them. For whatever reason, I just can't bring myself to say "I'm queer" to them and other people as well. I've had a few more "talks" with my dad about it, and I guess things are...I dunno, slowly progressing? Maybe. I hope. Sigh.

So umm, I guess what I'm trying to say is "you're not alone," and I'm crossing my fingers for ya. I'm sure things will be cool soon; just give it some time. Yeah, I know that's all cheesy and stuff, but...well, you know what I mean.

OK, enough typing. More sleeping.

ps: I still think you are the cutest weblogger.

September 10, 2000

10:27 PM // react

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that today, I experienced probably the best luck I've ever had when it comes to concerts/shows. Well, basically I got into the concert for free! Crazy.

See, we got there and I didn't have a ticket yet. I guess I walked to the wrong gate to buy the ticket 'cause when I got there, the guy was like, "oh, you need to go over there to buy a ticket," pointing to this booth a few hundred feet behind us. I had already taken out my money and everything and I had this "I don't wanna go over there" look on my face.

And then suddenly, he's like "naw man, it's cool. Just come on in," and hands me a fucking unused ticket! I thought he was joking at first but he was serious! It totally blew my mind, and I'm not quite sure why he was nice enough to let me escape the $29 ticket charge.

But who's complaining? :)

10:06 PM // react


God they were SO good! They played mostly older album songs (and you know I sang along like the Weezer dork that I am), as well as three new songs, which ALL rocked my world. Is Rivers Cuomo capable of writing bad songs? I think not.

So I had a really great time, not only 'cause I saw Weezer, but also 'cause the whole place was pretty much a shirtless jock fest. Heh, in other words, I was drooling and daydreaming all over the place. Oh brother. That's what I liked about the Warped Tour, too (except at Warped, there were more punk rockers)-- besides the music, of course (yeah, Ben, of course!). Yeah, I know I it might be "strange" that I happen to be attracted to guys who might be the total physical opposite of me (me, being a scrawny art boy). But hey, we all have our things. And this is mine. Shrug.

Do "opposites attract"? Man, I hope so...

Anyway, my tan is even darker now 'cause of the hot-as-fuck Texas sun, which did a thorough melting job of the Murray's pomade in my hair. And I overheard some guy behind us during Weezer, complaining about how it was so gross that a gay guy was looking at him in one of his classes. "I think he's gay." Wow, *imagine that*-- a man who is attracted to other men, looking at another man! How strange! And how disgusting!!


But it's all good. I saw WEEZER! Aww yeah.

1:16 PM // react

First off, mad thanks to Eugene for linking me! I love it when random (but cool) people do this. Which isn't very often. So don't think I have some kinda ego problem. 'Cause I don't. I'll kick your ass.

Holy shit, where the hell did that come from?

Oh man. So anyway, I woke up today, and to tell ya the truth, like Danielle, I'm not maybe as excited as I should be that I'm seeing Weezer today. I think it has something to do with the whole big shitty, corporate "alternative" radio station, pot infested, over-commercialized music fest thing (oh man, I'm soooo punk rock now! try and stop me. ha). And I just know I'm not gonna be aggressive enough to push my way to the front just to haveta worry about getting fucking smashed by mosh pit kids and stuff, especially in this goddamned heat.

So yeah, I'm a wuss. I'm good at it, too.

Weezer will probably look like a four-piece groups of dots if all goes the way I'm thinking it might go. Fun! I hope they at least play some new songs or something so I can get my $30 worth. Damned big concerts...

Last night rocked! The movie was freakin' hilarious, though it probably wasn't supposed to be at the time they made it (1982). There were unbelievable plot gaps and horrible acting saturating almost every moment of it, but it was still a good time and it was fun to laugh at the people's haircuts (and swoon at their fucking cool clothes). All I haveta say is, breakdancing is like the coolest thing ever invented. Well, maybe not the coolest, but it's fucking rad looking. I wanna breakdance, too, but I'd probably really suck at it. I couldn't see myself moving my legs that fast or moonwalking or shoving my crotch in the air without making an utter fool outta myself.

See, I told you I don't have an ego problem. I'm one of those shy, modest guys. Umm, yeah.

So after the movie was over, we walked back through downtown and stopped at 6th Street (Austin's equivalent to Bourbon Street in New Orleans...so lemme just say it's pretty fucking crazy on a Saturday night), where we walked around for a little while and laughed at drunk people. Geez, some people are fucking nuts. And bitter. And horny. And desperate. But I should not really be talking.

Anyway, after we left 6th Street (and stumbling our way through the everlasting herd of people doing anything and everything possible to get laid that night), we were walking back and OK, so we were being a little loud and dumb. These two couples walk in front of us, and my friend hears one of them mumble "damn alcoholic punks" or something. Woo hoo! I'm a fucking *alcoholic punk!!!* And the thing is, we didn't even drink any alcohol to act that dumb. All natural, baby.

So I took the initiative of the situation and started to "act" even more dumb. I screamed out a few times, "I'm not a fucking drunk" and "Punk as fuck" or some shit like that, being the total moron I am. And then suddenly out of no where, we hear this loud ass screaching noise and then this BANG. We round the corner and this car had just slammed straight into another parked car. We got there and watched as the car backed up and fucking drove away (somehow during this moment of extreme shock, I remember thinking of the line in Clueless when Cher hits that car on her driving test and goes "should I leave them a note?")! It went through a red light and it was swivering and skidding all over the place. Now who's the fucking "alcoholic punk?" Jesus. Scary shit.

OK time to leave and get an even worse tan while attempting to see Weezer. Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe I'll see some cute guys...

Do I curse too much?

September 9, 2000

11:04 PM // react

Geez, I must've been really tired and/or out of it last night when I posted about Wild Style (corrected link). The movie is actually tonight, with live breakdancing and all.

Also, the Weezer concert is tomorrow. Sheesh. What the hell was I on last night?

Anyway, today was cool 'cause I spent a lot of time outside and visiting lesser inhabited areas of Austin with my girly friend. We went to a Salvation Army store where I attempted to shop like the good little homosexual I am (though I ended up with nothing 'cause I couldn't find any cool pants that fit the countours of my big ass). Y'know, 'cause every gay guy loves shopping. It's part of the whole deal we get.

Also included in the homosexual package is gaydar, which we use to sense if other guys are gay or straight. Though mine doesn't work too well; I think I'll haveta take it into the shop to get it fixed. Very soon.

Gosh I'm an idiot.

Live breakdancing is tonight. In one hour! Ah, life is good.

September 8, 2000

9:29 PM // react

Aww yeah, I finally got my turntable hooked up to speakers that work! So now I can listen to my Bangles records and pretend I'm cool 'cause I still listen to records.

Speaking of the Bangles, I recently found out they're playing reunion shows this month! I swear, this is so cool. Yeah, so what if I still like 80's girl bands. But the thing is, they're playing so far away from Austin....but it's so tempting.

Well even if I don't get to see the Bangles, at least I get to see the almighty Weezer tomorrow. Freakin tomorrow. Oh my god. I had to pay $30 for tickets 'cause all these bigger shitty bands are playing (Kottonmouth Kings, Cypress Hill. etc....urgh), but it's fucking WEEZER I'm talkin' about here. I don't even haveta think about it.

Tonight my roommate and I are going to see Wild Style, an American "street musical" from 1984. Rawk! It has all kinds of cool authentic 80's shit like breakdancing, tagging, and old school hip hop. And there's gonna be live breakdancing inside the theater!!

I repeat: live breakdancing.

11:15 AM // react

This is exactly why I don't eat meat. It's really gross (trust me), so you've been warned. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction? (requires RealPlayer)

September 7, 2000

11:45 PM // react

Shit, I can't believe I missed the entire Austin Gay and Lesbian International Film Festival! Dammit, I suck at being a homo.

Well, at least I recently caught But I'm a Cheerleader, which, despite being heavily overdone, made me laugh and smile the entire fucking time. Not many movies can do this with me. The best was when the castaway old guys (one of whom, I swear, looked like the guy from Night Court) were fighting, and then they hug and make up, and the shorter guy goes "you're my Larry bear" or something like that. I actually went "aww" out loud and I felt like an arse. Probably embarrassed my roommate, too. haha. Aww yeah!

OK I need exercise, I feel like shite.

6:57 PM // react

How Do You Rate?

According to this quiz, I am "mostly straight acting"!! Woof! haha. Here's what it said about me:

You lead a normal everyday life and it's 'no questions asked' as people just assume you are straight. Every once and awhile a very aware person might notice something that causes them to think 'fem' but it's a fleeing thought because you turn around and surprise them with more masculine traits before they even have time to fully analyze the last one.

The funny thing is, this shit is kinda true. Umm.

12:33 AM // react

Could Blake's vocals on the new Jets to Brazil album get any sexier? You tell me. These songs are so wonderful! Catchy, feel good pop music. Hearts will be melting when they come here in five days. Yeah you know it.

So which *N Sync member do you connect with? haha. This survey chose Chris for me (yeah, the old one who used to have that octopus-lookin' hair), but everyone knows my heart is set out for Joey. ha! Yo, pass THIS shit:


(link via Rashaun, who gives me that fresh-from-the-dentist feeling every time I think homoerotic thoughts)

Boys boys boys.

September 6, 2000

11:28 AM // react

I love it when bears have sex. Oooh yum. (link via Bear Press)

Man did I have an amazing night last night! Saw my favorite band the Mr. T Experience, finally! So after like 5 and a half years of their music making me smile like a psycho, I am no longer an MTX live performance virgin. Or something. Well, to put it lightly, they rocked. So hard. Sure, they may not be the most spastic live performers, but if I was almost middle aged, I'm not so sure I'd wanna spazz either.

Also on the bill (part of the Lookout! Freakout Tour) were American Steel and the Eyeliners, who both rocked as well. The girls in the Eyeliners have gotta be like 3 of the sweetest people I've met. Not to mention Dr. Frank of MTX, who, though being under the influence of a few beers, was as friendly as they get.

So on the way back to my dorm at 2:30 am (we had to walk...urgh), we stopped in a 7-11 and talked to this guy working there, who, I swear, looked exactly like Garth Brooks. He had nice ice blue eyes. I think he watches too much Discovery Channel or something, 'cause he was telling us all these useless facts. (Did you know ice's true color is blue?) But he was very friendly and I thought he was kinda cute, even if he was maybe in his late 30's or early 40's. Hey, it was 3 am! I probably would've thought he was cute anyway. So hmmph. He let me walk out with a free Big Gulp drink. He let me take photos of him, too. Ah cool.

I parted with the chiks I was hanging with that night, and about 3 minutes from my dorm, I see and hear these two cats fighting. They were really loud. It scared the shit outta me! Cat screeching is not a very pleasant sound.

OK enough of this. Gotta shower and leave for class. Late again! Shit.

September 5, 2000

6:32 PM // react

The Mr. T Experience. Tonight at Emo's. I'm SO there.

"The search for love and happiness turns out to be a game of chess; you can't move or you flip the board, and you're lying in pieces on the floor..."


10:31 AM // react

John is a nice boy. And now I'm listed on GLBT Weblogs & Journals! I am destined to be an "internet rock star," just like Andy. ha!

Last night I was in this weird spontaneous creative mood, so I went out for a walk with my camera (I TOLD you I'm an art dork). First stop, the coin laundry place across the street. Somehow I find that place really aesthetically pleasing. It might have something to do with how the brightness of the lights is always the same, no matter what time of day it is. I took a photo of the Ms. Pac-Man game there, then a couple of clothes being washed. Then when I left, there was this guy with a mullet sitting in a red pick up truck, mumbling something to the person sitting in the driver's side, and staring at me with that "he's one of those art kids" looks. You know what I mean. Ah well.

So I continued my journey towards the UT campus "drag," poking my head in a couple late night arcades to see if anything was going on. I passed some homeless people on the way, sleeping on benches and the ground against store walls. There was this one guy who was drawing this really cool-looking skull on his backpack with white out, but I was too shy to stop and talk to him. Shit.

So I kept walking and eventually ran into a friend, who was sitting outside looking really bored. Then when she saw me, she got up and was all excited and looked really happy to see me. I was so flattered! She introduced me to this beautiful white cat who is hard of hearing (she clapped behind him and he just layed there motionless. somehow I found that really funny, even though it's sad as hell). Then we took a walk and made confessions to each other about sexuality and stuff. Turns out I'm not the only person out there who sometimes gets random urges where my mind is telling me, "the first person to offer his body to me will get laid." Calm down, Ben. Sigh.

September 4, 2000

4:03 PM // react

This has gotta be like the funniest thing I've read in a while. It's kinda long, so get a snack and go to the bathroom before reading it. Poor dolpins...

The new I Farm full length (Cool Guy) makes me wanna throw my arms up in a frenzy and punch walls and stuff. Is that a good thing? In other words, it's fucking awesome. Their sound has definitely matured a whole bunch since their last album (geez they've only had two albums and they're this tight?). It's like Propagandhi meets the Dillinger Escape Plan or something. Amazing, intelligent, and fast as hell. Intensity. Get it now.

All I can think about is being in a relationship. Dammit! Everywhere I go in this town, there's like a freakin model standing there. Well I guess that's a good thing and a bad thing all at once. Am I complaining?

1:35 AM // react

Does this thing work? I guess this is a test or something. Thanks a lot to Jack for helping me fix my stoopid little HTML coding.

Oh, and welcome to my pseudo world. My name is Ben and I'll be your host. Umm yeah. So. Nice to meet you. Phew. I need more milk...

09 / 10 / 11 / 12 // 2000

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