Dwelling on these machines begins to fuck with my internal wiring. Programs start to shift, and honesty becomes experimental, almost. In some cases, it seems to stop "flowing" like it's supposed to. I tend to put my trust in people I don't know too well because they are what I think might be a saviour to whatever I think I'm going through. Without even knowing them too well...or maybe I'm just not giving them enough credit. Swolen tongue bums with smoke-filled lungs. The waves are depleting quickly...jesus christ, let's build them back up. Now!! Start blowing in the air to the east or something. I guess exchanging sound-less, face-less, almost soul-less frequencies can only do so much.

Yet I still engage in this (you fucking hypocrite) 'cause something about it is truly fascinating. Their souls are your own landscape painting, depending on what kinda mood you're in. But when the power goes off, the painting disappears like the rabbit in the magician's hat. I know it's time to push myself away when the screen starts to turn blank and all I can see is my reflection. But it seems like the more I push myself away, the more I am attracted to this, and the more I wanna fucking explode.

(insert lame post-teen angst sentence here...oops too late)

You talk about a society of free-thinking, individual beings when all you make me see are identical, individual zombies with a ladder-like quest towards the same fucking pot of gold. Each spoke is clearly defined and supposedly predictable (since everyone goes through this). And if you break your legs and hands? Well, there goes your soul. Does your collective brain communicate with that of a giant rodent? Wait a minute, oops it's not a rodent. He once told me that individuality depends on outside frequencies. For if they didn't exist, you wouldn't have anybody with whom contrast your lifestyle(s). Oh you confuse me so! Give me some candy. I want you right now. Don't tell me what I wanna hear, challenge me and I will challenge you (hopefully). That's good...now expand on that.

He got on the bus with some gym bag and stood right in front of me. His nice squishy ass complemented his nice squishy pecs very nicely. Not that I was looking or anything...I think he noticed me almost obsessively staring at his amazing physique. I mean, I didn't make it that obvious that I was (mentally) picturing him naked, he kept looking down towards me (the bus was packed like crazy) but I'd be looking away or something. I guess the next step is me looking him in the eye...

I am gaining dork bonus points today 'cause I joined this thing called Disturbing Search Requests. It's pretty self-explanatory...and damn. I get some weird ass searches to this site. Looks like I'm not the only one...god, some of those had me laughing out loud. (100 dork bonus points)

"We have got the maxim gun and they have not"
by kaosboy

Hands up in the air grasping for depth
Souls corrupted through faith in prominence
of hidden blessings: civilization.
Commerce-- the quest for dominance
Cross the river and conquer
for Him it is to simple
We are too complex
We must invade, destroy
Unable to look them in the eye
Shadows fade
The promise of wealth,
The kingdom of chaos.
"We were told to close our eyes
...but we peeped through fingers."

And try and stop me from flirting with the cute TA in my class. Actually, it might be easier than you think. You just gotta know the magic word. He has trouble looking people in the eyes, it seems. We'll haveta work on that. "We"? What?? When did him and I become a singular, collective being?

And you're totally right, I don't know shit. Those names "Chomsky" and "Zinn" I wrote below...I just thought their names sounded cool (whoa dude, "Zinn" has a "z" in it...I almost just said "zoology" hu hu hu), that's why I linked em down there. And AK Press? What a buncha anarchist, ignorant, uneducated loonies! They don't know what the fuck they're talking about!! Heck, they're probably throwing bricks at Starbucks windows as I type this. Since that's all the anarchists and socialists believe in: destruction and mass kaos!! Those leftist, extremist bastards!!

I really admire those who call themselves "open-minded" and then pull their hair out when another opinion doesn't match theirs completely. I also admire people who say "we need to do this" and "someone needs to do that" but all they do is bitch about it to their friends. Man, now that's action!

I mean, you're right...all problems just resolve by themselves. The holocaust ended 'cause everybody (including Hitler) thought genocide was wrong by default. It has nothing to do with morality; the world just peacefully came to a collective conclusion that it's plain old wrong to try and start a master race of human beings. I mean, isn't that common sense? Doesn't everybody believe that?

(What, not everybody believes that?)

Sure, some of the stuff that goes on at some protests is corrupt in its own little way (i.e. protestors cursing at people on the streets). But overall, I think public protests (large or small) are vital to any battle for freedom and equality. It gives me a sense of optimism in the human spirit (forgive my momentary cheese...) when I am involved with some kinda protest/volunteer thing...that there are still people out there who don't feel like sitting back and dealing with the bullshit we may or may not have to face in our American society. People who don't just tell themselves, "that's just the way it is," or in this recent situation, "I fucking hate Bush, but someone else will probably protest for me...isn't the Cindy Margolis show on soon?"

It's people of all ages, all ethnic backgrounds, all sexualities, etc, joining together in a public venue and raising a collective, grassroots, and unified voice towards justice. I seriously can't think of anything more effective towards achieving progressive goals.

To me, saying "your protests don't do anything" is like lying around, waiting for the ice cream truck to come to you, instead of running outside and getting the ice cream yourself. The solution? Taking the initiative, standing up for something you believe strongly in your heart. Ice cream, women's rights...what have you. Personally, I see nothing "selfish" about that.

stand by your freinds, wrong or right
can't call that justice when its just a stupid excuse to fight
single out and attack the ones who got no defense
you call that a new way of thinking i call it regression to
ignorance
take warning
there's a new generation coming
and we really gotta stand up to them
nobody's got a thing against you
unless you've got something to prove
we don't need no set of standards,
we don't need a new set of rules
heard all that shit before
about stomping out any difference
we say stand together
(not to fight just to exist)
take warning
intimidation coming
and we really gotta say no to them
enough is enough is enough
why don't you just ease up
I saw another beat down last night take warning
who's the next to hit the ground tonite take warning

The J20 protests in DC sounds like a huge success, tens of thousands of protestors showed up (supposedly the biggest inaugural day protest since Nixon), only a few arrests. If you were out there or helped in any way for any progressive protest/cause, pat yourself on the back, 'cause YOU MADE A DIFFERENCE.

Bad thing: me not having the balls to say anything to him.

My "J20" playlist:

Refused "Coup D'Etat"
the Fucking Champs "Policenauts"
Plow United "Plow II" & "Yes Sir!"
In Flames "Suburban Me"
American Nightmare "The Ice Age is Coming"
Oingo Boingo "Marching in Time"
the Grouch "Mind Over Matter"
Strike Anywhere "Chorus of One"
Cryptopsy "Phebophile"
the Specials "Do Nothing"
Shai Hulud "If Born from this Soil"
Kid Dynamite "Give em the Ripped One"
Nirvana "Territorial Pissings"
Operation Ivy "Freeze Up"
Rumbleseat "Cursing Concrete"
Reversal of Man "The Set Up"
Hopesfall "Shines Through"
Weezer "Getchoo"
Living Legends "Soul Man"
Green Day "Castaway"

Here's a hint:

First day of the new semester, my African history professor seems really rad. Supposedly he won professor of the year last year. Did you know there are no jungles in Africa?

01. cut off all my hair
02. told my dad I'm gay

Number 02 was a little bit more difficult than 01. Luckily there was no freaking out, he kinda already knew what I was telling him since I've been hinting at certain stuff with him for like a year. haha, I told him I am attracted to football player type guys and he smiled and said "maybe I can find you one." He's cool and supportive about it and I love him for that. Definitely takes a huge load off my shoulder.

There is a new aquabotic.com design up. Version 0101. Took me a while...headache!! Argh. Don't forget to scroll all the way to the right (there's more stuff over there).

I am back home. LA was fucking awesome! I felt so comfortable there. Big cities are the best things ever!! Ever. I am so tempted to leave school (the new semester is gonna suck some ass) and go out there and get some shitty job, which would get me enough money to have some shitty room to stay in. It's that easy to do, really...ha! yeah right. But if I could go outside and watch the sunset every night, I think I would happy for a very long time.

I think I have gained about 80 million pounds since I've been out here. Trust me, that's a lot. Feel my growing squishy gut. I told you! My knee is slowly healing. The weather is fascinating every day. I like taking cliche photos of sunsets that come out very badly. It's all about the memories, you bastards. I found a record at some thrift shop in Ventura that has a bunch of JFK speeches on it and a big photo of his face on the cover.

My new years resolution for 2001 is:

Be aggressive. Be more aggressive.