January 22, 2004
/is it really worth it
soilwork - asylum dance
i woke up a little too late so i just said fuck it and besides, it's much warmer where i am anyway. sometimes i wish i could spend more time there in the warmth, though i guess i could, even without physically being there?
enough of this feeling like a bookend or a marker of convenience, sometimes it's more fun to be free of certain bonds, other times it can drive you fucking bonkers, but thats another thing that you and only you can really control, everything on the mental plane is within reach through some good ole patience and determination right?
or maybe just mediation, or holding yourself back once in a while. cuz risks are fun, but sometimes so is silence.
January 20, 2004
i dipped my hands in the tupperware container to coat my hands with a thin layer of blood but dont worry cuz it was blood of deer, not human, so its ok, and cory told me to put blood especially on my inner thumbs cuz thats what will be prevalent in the photograph. the heart was thawed, purple, membrane broken to provide more detail, i cradled it in my hands as if it was some sort of offering, haha, an offering to the dark elf king of enthroned majestry, duh, actually it wasnt too gross and the twin cats watching curiously nearby, pet dander, clogged up my nostrils, but at one point a whiff of perhaps old piss attacked my nose, smelled like a disgusting asshole.
January 19, 2004
/tru luv in 2k4
pestilence - chronic infection
i feel like writing again so here i go. i was invited to my friend's pizza party and she turned 13 so i drew of picture of me in a dino mask and gave her an assacre button, the last one from the bunch. we pretended to smooch & we have the printout to prove it.
i turned 22 not too long ago & got a ticket to see one of my heros, front & center, holy shit!!!!
my mom leaves really cute messages on my phone, i save them & like to listen to them before i go to sleep, warms me up.
mishka is here right now, we talk of the future, changes, obsessions, & tonite we went to this bowling alley where these girls i met were freaked out cuz the manager of their sushi bar planted a hidden camera inside the fake plants in the girls bathroom and now they dont know what to do. i think theyre gonna get him in deep trouble.
i was supposed to play a show a couple nights ago, stupid ass police officers broke it up & gave mom a ticket, so gay, hope they eat some nasty undercooked meat and vomit/shit blood. oh well it was fun while it lasted.
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