and then out of no where thin maybe hovering smoke comes this guy who keeps me up till 6am on the phone singing me "love me tender" with that deep sexy raspy country voice. i sat on his lap and he showed me that white men can sing like old black men named luthor. i like it when he asks me if i'm smiling. i like being held.


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october 26, 2002


/sentence and solace
erasure - ship of fools

he said everything that needed to be said and i forced myself gently to stay awake to listen to his poems. some sort of prematurely developed wisdom through tragedy, and then in a more focused rhythm, you execute what needs to be developed, put simple words onto paper and place it in a manila folder. laugh at it later maybe while youre at it, you deserve it kiddo, you fucking stud.

i wouldnt mind it, not at all man.

then he pissed off the balcony, my suggestion.


> 1 reaction




october 25, 2002


/hitler was rejected from art school
dillinger four - noble stabbings

not once but twice, eric drooker told the small audience at monkeywrench books. his little slide show ruled and told the story of a jungle woman who found her way to a big city and meanwhile a passionate almost obsessive artist sketches with a kitty on his shoulder, water fills his space and covers his eyes and he is swept away by the current but the kitty joins a group of happy animals so everythings ok.


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october 24, 2002


/cheek hump dance party
don caballero - room temperature lounge

last night was the pattern and the hot hot heat and me collecting cheek humps from the kids. kevin is the hottest dancer around, hes so new wave it hurts my heart baby, we should totally go raving sometime and abuse ecstasy and jam double sided ribbed glowsticks up ours cheeks man.

previously, i found out tentacle man has a man in arkansas who is a 44 year old 350 pounds sissy redneck, hes into that kinda shit. me, 20 years old, 176 pounds, not so sissy not so redneck, maybe a little sissy once in a while, but i wonder whats up with gaylords and their type, their physical type, which demands some sort of relative security through particularity, more often than you know, them.


> 4 reactions




october 23, 2002


/correspondence with a 6th grader, part 02
the sea and cake - there you are

'today at lunch i had a whole lot of hershys kisses and this kid i meh kinda like sat by me at my table and he said"you have a lot of chocolate kisses what a real one and i said "no ill pass "thanks though"" and he like kept starring at me and i told him that he could have the last hershy kiss cause i didnt want it and i like already gave him the other ones i had and i said "here you can have this cause your pretty" and he winked and said"oh ok thanks" and i told my friend jenifer and tomorrow shes goin to tell him but i dont care'


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october 22, 2002


/soul twin anniversary no. 02
kamelot - karma

the bomb ass pussy sat with my feet as noam chomsky spoke rather calmly in front of us, a declaration of international strategies of chaotic structures. unexplored fragility amongst us, we talked of pizza and hippies and the merits of being selfish.

then yesterday yep it's been two years, i took the bomb ass pussy out for some fancy italian food, we sat in the train car across from the one we sat in last year. people with birthdays and anniversaries got embarassed by the tired looking wait staff, i wondered whether a two year joint statement of abnormally functional friendship was worth public embarassment.

then i bought ice cream for the pussy, coffee flavouring with mushed intergrated strawberries. we chit chatted with a worker we once bothered with a video camera during his smoke break, who made fun of the christian youth group inside his store. i asked him for his number so i could fuck him but he resisted my subtle offer. i didnt really wanna fuck him anyway, though i felt quite comfortable asking him, fakely, somewhat of a total stranger.

then i kissed the pussy in a photobooth (so we could have documented proof), in the third of four frames, so the last one could be reactionary. we took turns interviewing each other into a digital recording device, mutual flattery with the occasional interlude of a fart or fuck joke. oh yeah my pecs are sore and books about sex addicts rule.


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october 17, 2002


/one pussy, three balls, if you act quickly
squarepusher - i wish you could talk

me not sure if it's some kinda freedom or more of a corruption, maybe both, 'cause it seems wherever i go, people who barely even curse in their spare time are now littering their language with talk of pussy, nut, and cheek, gross shit. perhaps a perversion of the human language, using existing terms to fool the eavesdropping listener at the highly efficient campus cafeteria.

i turn on my 5" colour tv with free fucking cable and see hot cowboys stuffing their mouths with vermin for a crowd that claps and cheers for anything, even hot cowboys swallowing their own puke, then a program about that man from that rock band's big crispy house. switch switch bzzt some hot lady on a latin american soap opera, i believe it was my brother who said he watches telemundo 'cause the bitches are hot.

and then, of course, there's the sniper.

earlier, a professor declares irony in his fear of parking lot snipers at your friendly neighborhood wal-mart. a family friend admits to thinking about just how easy it would be to create a scene of chaos in this country. not necessarily with guns or knives. start maybe with a pamphlet, some strong ideas. how we cry about public law enforcement but force ourselves to shit on our own credit cards and EAT it perhaps as an indulgent snack on a rainy day.

desensitivity, acceptance, embracing the unspoken horrors of aussie territory, perhaps a seclusion, a denial of obligatory patterns of wit and destructive, anti-creative behaviour, pushing procreation and then fisting the last of the american condors with an intelligent explosive apparatus.

meanwhile, through broken strongholds of meaty sweat stains that somehow form a heart shape on my back, i used the stair climber to tone my cheeks, wow i hope he's looking, the one with the deadly tentacles, which blind the victim with a thick oil (see: oil and water), distracting him long enough for the benefit of his own personal kidnapping service, at a surprisingly affordable price at this point in time.


> 1 reaction




october 14, 2002


/on a bright hawaiian christmas day
children of bodom - black widow

self portrait in bathroom
oberlin ohio, spring 2001

and then theres poor old mark glynn youre confused you need help you need a hug you need punishment, non-suggestive


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october 12, 2002


/game meat danger zones & dick knots
teenage fanclub - going places

it somehow involved xerox copies and some sense of apparent familiarity, thats about all i can remember. he was so close, within touching distance, regardless of separate parts of town, age, set expectation levels, comfort zones more like danger zones.

i drank the beer regardless of bitterness and aftertaste (danger zones), fulfilled my goal of the night thanks to eli, but alas the woodcock will not be carved this day, for the woodcock has a companion fowl. hey whats up my name's magellan. eli said he could tell the change in facial expression on my face as soon as i heard the two big words (by the way eli rules). sigh at least there was the attempt, the thrill of the initial stab. when he came out to his mom, her first words were "oh fuck." then he told me about the gay bath house his band played one day, when during their set, some guy with a monster dick to his knees tied his snake-like steak into a fucking knot. i wonder if he learned this said knot in boy scouts.

pure torture i tell you pure torture to exchange verbal yummies and mixed touches with mister bones, himself, enough to drive a man to a state of frustration and behaviour not yet discovered, but floating among the process of defining an imaginary destination, completion.


> 3 reactions




october 11, 2002


/a full on chemical reaction
ash - shining light

last night marked my first gay club event in america. i woulda done the guy with big ones. the strippers stuck their crotch regions in everyone's face and one of them ruled, the ac slater one, except he didnt have the afro sheen frizzy mullet and wasnt on the wrestling team and in love with jesse spannow, as far as i know.

gay people like shitty music, south korea, north america, middle amerea, western paviliona. i just cant get down and scrub my cheeks on the ground to those draining fucking pulsating dance remixes of every song that already bloody suck, unless i'm under the influence of alcoholic beverage or deadly pairs of eyes, bah humbug.

kelly and i were found grinding on the dancefloor to nelly and bubba sparxzsq, i recalled the homecoming dance where the old lady tugged at my arm and told me "your penis should not be touching her butt." i think i'm gonna be straight starting today it's easier and thats how i felt thanks bye.


> 2 reactions




october 7, 2002


/ryan fuckingg idol
runaways uk - momentum

yep believe it or not that's porn star ryan idol from gay pride austin 2002, i told him to pose for my photo like he was in a boy band. i stared at his crotch. i want him to be my friend.


> 3 reactions



/dood my pussy rules
sonata arctica - wolf and raven

the three drunkards left little black spots on my carpet where their drunken buttocks slept after a night of boozin at blake's apartment party. they were dead as soon as they hit the floor. jake took his shirt off and slept on my sheet and unleashed an amazing sonic snoring fury, loud enough to wake even me up. not even a nuclear weapon up my cheeks can wake me up. good thing we're not fucking.

and jesus christ, me and mike passed through the gay pride rally today and they asked ME if i wanted an "i'm an ally" sticker, god dammit not even fucking gaylords think i fancy the boner!! so i asked kelly for tips on how i can look and act more gay. straight people dont even believe me, no matter how blunt i am about who's masculine cheeks i'd like to rest upon. maybe if i removed some of my wrist joints and accented the "s" in "scissorfight" more often?

however, my secret is slowly surfacing, slowly and steadily, the way it should be. like oil in water.


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october 2, 2002


/instantly your biggest fan
radiohead - india rubber

starting a 6 page paper about geometric, kinetic, and optical art of colombia/argentina/venezuela the morning it's due rules.

yet in my research i grew quite fond of gyula kosice's la ciudad hidroespacial, which goes well with french fries ketchup not catsup and chocolate milk and fake grated cheese i discovered. i know something is good when i forget to chew first.