september 25, 2002

/correspondence with a 6th grader, part 01
roots manuva - bashment boogie

jessica is my current favourite 6th grader:

"my friend wants to do a movie like the one on the royal tenenbaums dudlys world kind of like that and it would be funny simiar to a dog pee shower."

"heh did you know that i think the 15 was butt touching day or somthing like that"

"did you know somone called me a loser you should beat them up (i told sara and she asked me if i wanted for her to call her and curese at her or if i wanted her to scarch her face off but i told her no)"

i am instantly inspired.

> 7 reactions

september 23, 2002

/i'll have the beaver and a chocolate explosion
the beatles - i wanna be your man

actually it worked out quite well, the lady forgot to put up our order of assorted chicken treats, we got free cheesecake and a chocolate explosion. they have a chicken sandwich called "the beaver" haha! if that doesnt make you laugh then youre too fucking serious you asshole. just kidding. anyway i shared the choco explosion with will, who helps kids with their reading skills at his job. it is really goddamn cute. he told me about this 3D gay porn and then we agreed that michael bolton beating the piss out of the fax machine in slow motion in office space was pure genius.

one time i celebrated the end of the school year by hurling a dead computer off a football stadium's bleachers. i think i told you about this already though. boy it felt quite nice and at the same time like the beginning of some bad 50's horror movie where at that point we'd be laughing like devils and brushing the dust off our hands, then we turn around and a giant army of super computers has surrounded us, super long tentacles with knives and stuff attached at the ends, and a swarm of metallic iron voices announces to us "you're fucking doomed." robots that curse, now thats genius.

my mom packed me a snack for work in an airplane barf bag. kosher salami and provolone on a plain bagel, fresh ass green grapes (she always picks the freshest crunchiest ones i swear), and some potato chips that i gave to the girl who eats lightly salted popcorn for dinner. another word for wastes (i.e. the worthless or useless part of something) is "refuse." i had no idea my mom collects barf bags. i bet yours does too, you should go through her shit and if she asks just say you were looking for a barf bag. if she doesnt understand then she doesnt love you. kidding.

> 2 reactions

september 21, 2002

/ode to beef, part 01
abba - lay all your love on me

life is funny when i call beef to tell him how i can get girls to say such catch phrases as "wanna come get my wet pussy" and also how i can see their boobies since it's ok that i watch them change, since i dig boner i guess. little do they know i'm straight as a pencil, and i have secret webcams implanted into my fingernails and eyelids, which capture images for my secret porn site, for a grand profit. i use these earnings to make undersize dildos for people who like to be pleasured by baby dicks, bens dildo factory, so check your voicemail 'cause 2 for one triple coupons expire in 33 seconds. hesitation stalls vibration. baby.

> 2 reactions

september 20, 2002

/guess how much i could care less
blind guardian - bright eyes

this unfriendly robot
is the easy way out
dont do it dont do it
this unfriendly robot
is the easy way out
dont do it dont do it
this unfriendly robot
is the easy way out
dont do it dont do it
this unfriendly robot

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september 19, 2002


/my first beer smoothie
in flames - embody the invisible

my beer smoothie actually wasnt all too bad, inspired by the girl i used to work with at the movie theater who lied a lot and laughed at empty space and started fistfights with girls at a special institution for girls who start fistfights with other girls.

the foggy liquid went down ever so slowly...gym-nasty bud light, strawberry banana yogurt, and flavour ice (lime, grape, and cherry) with nothing to delight the senses but its chilled environment. bitter enough to make one's teeth chatter & cave inward & clench together like my buttcheeks during apocalypse now that one time, with that wretched lying man; sweet enough to seduce itself into an unconventional form of pleasurable consumption.

basically resembling hardened semen (with a gloss finish) but we're in fucking college so we'll experiment with release, composition, form, vomit, taking mysterious polaroids of a haunted upscale college apartment complex, watching the mexican lolita girl who drank scores of beer and destroyed several flavour ice, with the modest mouse shirt and a fake black eye on her drivers license photo.

then later into the early morning i observed the remaining yogurt in my beer smoothie, which had nuzzled itself into the bottom of the cup. a thick substance had submerged to the top of the liquid. what the fuck is flavour ice anyway but grade d sugary chemicals and compressed shavings of frozen water.

johnny made us a batch warm fluffy pancakes, what a pleasant, sedative, wonderful smell to wake up with. then we went to the san antonio museum of art, which is shaped like a castle, and looks rather crumbly.

more recently, almost 8 consecutive hours last night conceptualizing patterns of contrast, shape, size, repetition, and chronology in order to display a logical transition from private to public space in terms of mental activity, or a lack thereof. probably the latter but no thats impossible.

> 3 reactions

september 13, 2002

/jake skating very sexily
ivy - only a fool would say that

multitasking tonight was defined by this guy at the skatepark who rapped a set of songs (quite well in fact), breaked for a while, then fucking ollied over everything. well i guess thats not really multitasking but pure talent. hip hop night at m and m skatepark where i took footage of kids weaving around a warehouse-like atmosphere of ramps and platforms. earlier yesterday i went over to jakes house. the house's living room furniture: jake cut out janet jackson from a poster and glued it to this cardboard cutout of some nascar driver.

we took a walk with jakes dog clyde, he likes to lean on you, i guess that means he likes you. he has a wet randomly spotted tongue. as we passed from house to house a blanket of dog barking seemed to surround us from all sides, as if we rang each house's doorbell as we passed, making the puppies go bonkers.

one house we passed, this one dog came up to the fence and seemed pretty chill so jake took clyde over there so the puppies could chat for a little while. they sniffed each other for a few seconds, then all of a sudden the other dog lifts his fucking right leg and starts peeing through the fence in clyde's direction, like a fucking projectile or a sprinkler maybe. jake must have good ass reflexes 'cause he yanked clyde away before he went under the pee shower. so today i collected footage of jake skating very sexily, and doggie pee showers. my film class will be proud.

ps: so jake when are you gonna put out

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september 11, 2002

/the story of a pussy eating squirrel
meshuggah - choirs of devastation

there was a rumour in school today that some explosives were missing from somewhere on campus and i was just wondering who would have explosives on a college campus anyway or where these explosives would be hidden perhaps. me jake and cory walked around taking silly segments of video of water based machines and theater students (who improved a story for us about a pussy eating squirrel) and me sending fake love letters to a plaster bust of some old guy. do you like me circle yes or no but he wrote maybe so that basically means yes woohoo ready to fuck brains and brains and brains

daydream sleepwalking down a flight of stairs to a drippy basement dimly lit up by four light bulbs, two dead ones, and a fluorescent light flickering in random patterns (similar to your middle school's 2nd floor girls bathroom) with dead rats, dead as hell, and maybe a few chicken bones here and there in seemingly organized bundles amongst inklike liquids in the chiseled corners from god knows what, as still as can be, as if it has evolved into a class "a" solid form. the odor of a tropical storm's aftermath (as you rummage through the remaining pieces) or century aged industrial pollution, the air is a dense impossible cloud. to joke to yourself about bringing a machete, next time, what is this shit, it's all over, and the ceiling is a blanket of fire, a red velvet curtain leading me to the road to the amazing divine complete gymnasium set.

guess what jockohomo and i are getting married, it's official! "Art makes me hard." gimme steak and steak and st***

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september 10, 2002

/oatmeal cookies should be soft
the berzerker - no one wins

the berzerker ate my face off and inspired me
dont you just wanna do more pushups

kelly drew a cactus on my arm, a prickly one, and also a pair of hot lips and xoxo say goodbye to my afro.

also at work in one of the garbage cans i found this cardboard stand up thing for some movie about a barber shop and the kids expained to me that some guy saw it in the trash bin and started stabbing it with a razor blade. so i took the heart shaped section of the guy with the face and the afro and taped it to my wall, near mr batman.

> 2 reactions

september 8, 2002

/cmon cmon kiss my flesh wound
destiny's child - bills, bills, bills

i drew a skull with a bloody nose on my left hand last night at work, maybe my subconscious created my own foreshadowing hmm? while helping the high school delinquents take the trash out to the waste compressing machine, i found this metal tube, slightly soiled, and for some reason i threw it as hard and fast as i could into the large empty movie theater parking lot. it made this beautiful subtle whirling noise, like when you moisten the edge of a crystal wine glass and rub it with a circular motion (different tones depending on water levels).

the tube landed on some bush then i looked down at my hand, a tiny piece of clear glass had caught into a section of the left palm, nothing too big or threatening, merely a flesh wound as they say. but thats ok 'cause i made 28 bucks, which paid for the pineapples and melon i ate for breakfast, choke by chuck palahniuk, and a copy of time magazine, the one with those two big dead buildings on it. sadly.

> 1 reaction

/vermont security guard with vegetable garden
callenish circle - obey me

she lives in a house outside of the city with her three kids and 64 year old mother. her mother's passion is gardening, they grow everything, from cucumbers to radishes, but her radishes always taste kinda bitter and she can never get peppers to grow correctly. when her mom leaves town, she also leaves a watering schedule for the plants so they dont dry up and die, i guess.

a friend helped her decorate the kids rooms, with scooby doo and cow/rooster themes & then they transformed the garage into a bedroom. her second husband left her & the kids when she was pregnant with her third child, who really wants a horse, and she works more than full time night shifts at movie theaters. she's a security guard. she told me "the moment i leave my driveway, i am on duty" so she speeds down the highway and sees traffic violation after violation, but she plays dumb 'cause she doesnt feel like giving everyone a hard time.

she just wants to spend more time with her kids. eventually she will move out to the country; she really doesnt like urban noise. her oldest daughter draws naturalistic hands at the age of 11, and she giggled and wondered to herself where her baby gets the talent from. she likes george bush 'cause "he treated law enforcement officers very well." she just wants to spend more time with her kids.

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september 6, 2002

/gloria transit ______
cornelius - point of view point

whats in this fall season, pt 01:

01. special k with red berries
02. hitting kelly in the eye with raquetballs
03. making fun of kelly's newfound pegleg
04. going to free movies on wednesdays just for having a crappy radio show
05. taking secret spy photos of men walking out of the gym
06. walking around in my new apartment minus clothes
07. being away from that fucking red haired horse bitch
08. beck's voice bringing me to a place called orgasm
09. making fun of bright eyes
10. going to the gym everyday with the intention of leaving butt stains on the machines

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